محتاط به گسل: حفاظت از خود و مسیر رضایت زناشویی

A contextual model of self-protection is proposed to explain when adhering to cautious “if–then” rules in daily interaction erodes marital satisfaction. People can self-protect against partner non-responsiveness by distancing when a partner seems rejecting, promoting a partner's dependence when feeling unworthy, or by devaluing a partner in the face of costs. The model implies that being less trusting elicits self-protection, and that mismatches between self-protective practices and encountered risk accelerate declines in satisfaction. A longitudinal study of newlyweds revealed that the fit between self-protection practices and risk predicted declines in satisfaction over three years. When people self-protected more initially, satisfaction declined more in low-risk (i.e., low conflict, resilient partner) than high-risk relationships (i.e., high conflict, vulnerable partner). However, when people self-protected less initially, satisfaction declined more in high-risk than low-risk relationships. Process evidence was consistent with moderated mediation: In low-risk relationships only, being less trusting predicted higher levels of self-protective caution that forecast later declines in satisfaction.

Is caution in love truly fatal to happiness? Some degree of self-protective caution does seem prudent. Because partners are interdependent in multiple ways, they cannot help but hurt and disappoint one another (Murray & Holmes, 2009). Given such rejection risks, partners might be wise to hesitate to depend on one another at certain times (Murray et al., 2006 and Wieselquist et al., 1999). Nonetheless, being unduly cautious could easily prove fatal to happiness. Indeed, growing evidence suggests that sustained relationship satisfaction involves risking connection and making a leap of faith (see Gagne and Lydon, 2004 and Fletcher and Kerr, 2010 for reviews). For instance, people who believe that their presumably imperfect partner mirrors their ideals experience no decline in satisfaction over the newlywed years (Murray, Griffin, Derrick, Harris, Aloni, & Leder, 2011). Because caution could help or hinder relationships, this paper advances a contextual model of self-protection and its effects on new marriages. Building on a new theory of interdependence (Murray and Holmes, 2009 and Murray and Holmes, 2011), we conceptualize self-protection in terms of the “if–then” rules that govern thought and behavior. Our model assumes that Gayle can protect against rejection through her tendency to push Ron away when she fears rejection, to make efforts to increase his commitment to her when she feels unworthy of him, or to value him less when he interferes with her personal goals. Our model further assumes that the amount of self-protective caution Gayle exercises should depend on both her trust in Ron and the risks of rejection and non-responsiveness she actually encounters in her relationship. Consequently, being less trusting should only inspire self-protective caution that is fatal to satisfaction when such caution is not warranted by the severity of the encountered risks (Murray & Holmes, 2011).