مردسالاری، آسیب و احساسات تجسم یافته

In this autoethnography, I consider the emotionality of sustaining and exacerbating an athletic injury. I interrogate youth sport experiences in which coaches and teammates lauded my willingness to play sport with little regard for my physical well-being, and the anxieties, doubts, and frustrations I experienced through the process of ‘recovering’ from my injury. In the process, I forefront my (athletic) identity, and the embodied emotionality of confronting a ‘failing’ body upon which it rest(s/ed). Additionally, I critically interrogate violence as a thread running through practices and discourses of masculinity, situating my researching body at the “intersecting vectors of power, knowledge and identity” (Giardina and Newman, 2011a: 524).

I have two intentions in mind with the pluralization of “boy” and “man” here. 2On one hand, I intend to suggest that I am interrogating the gender projects of others (if not as centrally as my own) in the narratives that follow. On the other, it is meant to reflect the idea that identity is neither stable nor fixed. The boy I was at age 17, for example, is not the same boy I was at 13, though he struggled with and against some common issues. The point is not simply that there is a multiplicity of masculinities, either in a social setting or across a lifespan; rather, the point is that how boys and men embody masculinity, and endeavour (or don't) to accrue ‘masculine capital’ ( de Visser and McDonnell, 2013) has important implications for men's relationships with themselves and their bodies, as well as with other social actors andtheirbodies ( Smith, 2013). Put differently, masculinities are inextricably and (intra/inter)corporeally relational ( Drummond, 2010; Schippers, 2007).